With the overhyped Captain Obvious analysis of a Super Bowl commentator and the predictive power of a Philadelphia groundhog, I present to you without further a-Dew….Grammy Awards Week!

Probably the only thing I crave more often and more intensely than Mountain Dew is music. I get that junkie twitching when I run out of music, craving something new and exhilarating. I love the high when I turn on the radio or skim iTunes and find a song that makes my heart beat like a drum, like a drum, dum dum dum, and my soul fly like an eagle into the future.

Yes, I just used not one but TWO 90s song references. A classically-trained English major skilled in word association, I also love song association. And I can name that tune in about three seconds.

So, Jenny, you might be thinking, clearly you are as excited about Grammy Week as an American Idiot is about bacon.

No.

Huh?

Let’s do some old school flashback music (doo loo loo doo loo loo) and go back to 2003. Specifically the night of the Grammy Awards in 2003. Norah Jones won 8 freakin’ Grammy Awards for her song “Don’t Know Why.” Technically, she won four and her producers/creative team pulled in the rest, but the point is the song got 8 awards and I honestly DON’T KNOW WHY.

To put this in better perspective, she was up against artists like Avril Lavigne (pre-valley girl like every other lyric), Vanessa Carlton, and Michelle Branch – all three talented ladies who sound beautiful live, who collaborate and/or completely write their own music, and who play musical instruments, too.  So I DON’T KNOW WHY Norah Jones swept the board. Maybe the Grammy panel is made up of groundhogs who don’t know good music from their own shadows.

Anyway, since then I’ve either completely boycotted the Grammys or had to quit watching after about an hour. Granted a few artists I respect have won an award or two the past few years, but not many. But this year is different because of one woman:

Adele.

I was surprised back in 2009, I believe, when Adele and her album 19 swept quite a few awards. An artist with actual talent winning? I was impressed. Now Adele is back with six nominations for her album 21, and if she wins all six categories, she ties with another artist for most awards won by a female artist in one night.

Tori Amos? Celine Dion? Alanis Morissette? Sheryl Crow? Mary J. Blige?

An artist with music that defies genres like Adele? An artist that appeals to all generations like Adele? An artist with the talent to write and play their own music like Adele? An artist with an unforgettable voice that makes your soul ache like Adele?

So clearly both you and I are musically retarded because the answer is Beyonce.

Yes, I agree with you. I DON’T KNOW WHY someone as talented as Adele could TIE with Beyonce. Beyonce who spends more time working on fitting her booty into spandex than working on her vocal skills.  

Sure, Beyonce has made strides for the African-American community and woman in general. Sure, some of her catchy-as-the-black-plague songs have their place on the dance floor or when you feel like bubble-gum pop.

But to put her in the same category as Adele, to even try to compare the two, why it’s like trying say chocolate chip cookies are the same as cheesecake. Or trying to convince me off-brand Country Mist tastes like Mountain Dew. No. That’s just wrong.

But, what’s been won has been won. And I look forward to the Grammy Academy hopefully regaining a sense of music. So this week in celebration I will be posting my top album picks, playlist recommendations, artists you should check out, predictions of the Grammay 2012 winners, and maybe even a few of my song parodies.

I hope you find some new music to enjoy, get a few laughs, and I hope you share your favorite music with me, too.

Rock on!