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What Would We Dew Without the Groundhog?

An article posted on ABC news website titled “Punxsatawney Phil Isn’t Always Right” sparked a multitude of reactions today:

Duh.

The article informs: “An analysis by the National Climatic Data Center found there is no correlation between Phil’s prediction and the actual weather.”

I might be a simple English major who claims to become funnier when drinking Mountain Dew, but even I could tell you that a groundhog has as much of a chance at accurately predicting the weather as I do correctly answering a math problem (the answer is a lot, always).  But apparently we need a national agency to verify this.

In the day and age of smart phones, voice command, and Google Earth, isn’t it ironic we still turn to a groundhog as the ultimate answer to the upcoming weather? There are probably tons of meteorologists who have just paid thousands for a degree suddenly realizing they chose the wrong major – they could have just been famous rodents (hey, it worked for Mickey, too).

“It turns out the ultimate prognosticator – and his copycat counterparts – are wrong more often then they are right,” the article says.

This brings up an important question: can I add ‘prognosticator’ on my resume? It certainly has a business buzzword ring to it.  Or maybe, as Dave Barry would say, it would make a great name for a rock band – Punxsatawney Phil and the Prognosticators. (The alliteration alone sells it.)

The real question is, if they are wrong more often than right, how come we’ve carried on this tradition since 1887?

But Jenny, you might be thinking, it’s tradition. It brings people together and makes the day special just like Christmas or Easter.

If it doesn’t involve presents or candy, the “holiday” ain’t worth much in my book. Unless Punxsatawney Phil starts leaving Mountain Dew in my stocking or comes back from the dead after three days and saves all of mankind, I’m just not buying it.

But if I don’t have to go to work because it becomes an official holiday, I could probably put my cynical feelings behind me, which the Groundhog club’s Inner Circle in Punxsatawney would appreciate. That’s right. The groundhog has a fan club, probably even a Facebook page and a Twitter account (PUNXPHIL87: Set my alarm. Ready to predict the weather tomorrow. At this point, I don’t give a @$&! anymore.)

What I want to know is how a groundhog without even doing anything can have a holiday, authority, and a fan base, and I can barely get five people to read my blog – and I have a degree! I can’t even get my boyfriend to read an entire entry because he is reading challenged unless it’s in binary code, but this groundhog can get people to dress up and rise early all for a prediction that’s not going to mean anything anyway.

At least I can predict the end of this article: a one-liner with a chance of Mountain Dew.

Click here to check out the entire article.

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